Say Yes to Less Stress

If I could have a dollar for every time a bride described the dress she dreamed of and then added ‘oh, and it must have sleeves’ I’d be a rich woman.

I had no idea before I worked in bridal just how many women HATE their arms. And I’m not talking about ‘plus-sized’ women or those who are older than your average bride. Nope. The slim, the thin, the young, the elegant, the (otherwise) confident. So many of us have a deep and unshakeable dislike of our upper arms.

If I could wave a magic wand and change that, I would, but I don’t think my humble blog post quite has the powers of Cinderella’s fairy godmother. So, instead, let’s get practical about sleeves on wedding dresses so that you have all the info before you go resolutely marching into your consult and refuse to try anything that doesn’t have a sleeve attached to it.

I have NOTHING against sleeves!

Before we do – let’s get one thing straight: sleeves on a wedding dress can be elegant, whimsical and downright fabulous. Kate Middleton did for sleeves on wedding dresses what Taylor Swift did for sequins and friendship bracelets. So, if you just love the look of sleeves and are Her Royal Highness or Grace Kelly inspired, please – GO FORTH AND SLEEVE UP. Read no further, my beautiful friend, just go right ahead and do your sleevey thing.

BUT….

And this is a big but – if you are insisting on sleeves for the sole purpose of covering a bit of yourself you don’t like (i.e., those babies elbow-up), then just hold your horses for a hot minute. Tight.

Before we get into this, I would just like to reiterate (in case you haven’t heard it enough times across this platform of mine): it is NEVER my intention with SYLS to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.

The rule is there are no rules.

You are powerful and empowered. You have agency and the freedom to choose what works for you.

The advice here is for your consideration only. To weigh up and decide for yourself what, if any, value it has for you and to keep or discard as appropriate. I would also like to say that when I say ‘sleeves’ here, I don’t mean adding a little drop-sleeve on a strapless gown, I’m talking about fabric that covers any or all of the upper arm.   

Sleeve logistics

The thing is (and generally speaking) you can have sleeves added to a wedding gown post-manufacture as long as there are straps on the dress and they are of reasonable width to support the addition of a sleeve. Spaghetti straps, for example, may introduce a problem, but you will need to discuss this with your consultant and seamstress.

Unless sleeves on the dress are already a design option and can be ordered at the time it is made, the easiest way to add them is to simply order more of the fabric that the dress is made from and have your seamstress make them for you once your gown has arrived, meaning that the fabric is an exact match with the dress. Easy peasy.

Read this first

Alright, now we’ve dealt with the logistics, let’s get down to brass tacks: here’s what I know about sleeves on wedding dresses from seeing dozens and dozens of brides and their bodies and what I want you to know for your Yes Dress search. Now, let me just say this: I don’t have a proverbial dog in this fight. Some dresses and some brides look INCREDIBLE in sleeves (Kate Middleton being a case in point). You may well be one of them. I am not trying to dissuade you from trying and indeed buying a dress with sleeves – not in the least! You should be trying many things in your joyful search.

But if you are determined to have sleeves on your wedding dress in order to cover up your arms, I just want you to read the following before proceeding to your first or next appointment.

1. Want to call attention to something? Put something on it

Wedding dress designers are clever: they use structure, fabric and detail to draw the eye of the viewer to particular parts of you. They draw the eye in – usually to the waist for shape – as well as up so that your face is the feature. They are calling attention to the bits of you that, together, will light you up. So, following this, a great way to call attention to something is to stick something on it. Thus, putting fabric on your arms may result in the opposite effect to what you are seeking. That is, it may be akin to sticking a big sign on your arms and saying ‘hey, over here! Look at me, look at me!’

2.You are looking at that ‘troublesome’ bit – we’re looking at the whole picture

When I have a bride on the pedestal in a dress that looks absolutely sensational on her and her couch-crew have their jaws on the floor and tears in their eyes but she is STILL looking at her upper arms it really makes me wonder if we are looking in the same mirror. Try to remember that when other people look at you they see the whole picture. Unlike you, they haven’t been taught over a lifetime to look at your reflection and think ‘oh my god, I hate her [arms/stomach/thighs/etc]’. And on your wedding day they will not see you at the top of that aisle and think ‘She really should have put sleeves on that dress.’ No! They will think some version of: ‘Wow, she is glowing and I’m so happy for her.’ And even if Aunty Margaret does have some evil arm-thoughts – let her! You have no control over what other people think, my darling friend and, besides, you have far better things to think about: especially at that moment!

3. You risk disrupting the design of your dress

Related to both #1 and #2: if you put sleeves on a dress in order to try and look smaller, you may actually be doing the opposite and adding width as, depending on the design of the bodice of the dress, you could be creating an unbroken block of fabric or lace across the top of your body. As I have said countless times before on this blog, when I am working with a bride my goal is always to make her look fabulous which does not, in my book, unequivocally equate to ‘smaller’. However, if you put sleeves on a dress that has been designed specifically to be a dress that doesn’t have sleeves, you may find that the proportions are thrown off and the dress is no longer able to do what is was designed to.

So, let’s ask that again: to sleeve or not to sleeve?

If having sleeves on your dress is what will make you feel confident and give you the freedom to enjoy yourself without worrying then you should go ahead with them. Because enjoying yourself at your wedding is more important than how you look. Yes, really.

All I ask is that before you absolutely make that decision that you go into your appointment ready to be pleasantly surprised about the power of a wedding dress to drastically change the way you think about yourself and your body.

~~~~~

Have you been thinking you absolutely MUST have sleeves on your dress? Or do you think, after reading this, you might be able to be a little open to the idea of leaving them out of the equation? Let me know in the comments!