Say Yes to Less Stress

One of the things we see as bridal consultants are brides who go from salon to salon, trying the same kind of dress again and again in the search for The Perfect Dress. When we get a bride who says she’s been to three salons previously and STILL hasn’t found her dress, we start to worry if we’re going to be able to help her. If anyone can help her.

You see, in all likelihood, this bride is not thinking “I want to look beautiful on my wedding day”, she’s thinking “Beautiful isn’t enough: I must look PERFECT.”

Hot cup of pressure, anyone?!

When I say ‘perfect’ I mean the image that is conjured in your mind of the ‘perfect’ woman as dictated to us by advertising and social media. It’s the Kendall Jenner-type body (but the photoshopped version). It’s the perfectly symmetrical faces of fashion models (but the photoshopped versions). Both are manipulated and/or cosmetically enhanced. Neither are real.

I’ve been on this earth for more than half a century now and it has taken me this long to realise that the idea of “perfect” does not equal “beautiful”. Neither does “perfect” equal “sexy”. The images and standards of ‘beauty’ perpetuated by our culture? It’s a scam. A scam to make us buy more ‘beauty’ and weight-loss products and fuel these multi billion-dollar industries that line the pockets of a few and leave hundreds of millions of women feeling inadequate and less-than.

As you probably know, having an understanding of this doesn’t make you immune to it – or at least, it doesn’t make me immune: I remain susceptible to the barrage of advertising on Insta promising me a product where I ‘WON’T BELIEVE THE RESULTS!’ and have to work hard to resist them.  

So, back to our bride who can’t get to ‘Yes’ because she is looking for perfection. If this is you, DON’T PANIC. Let’s just start to sort through what’s actually going on in your head that’s preventing you from making a joyful, confident decision and is, instead, leaving you paralysed in a big puddle of confusion. Because, really, my friend – why are you even doing this if it isn’t joyful and fun?

I’m not talking here about settling. No. Way. Not on my watch. We don’t settle for ‘it fits’ or (and I hear this often in my changing room) ‘Mmmm, I don’t hate it.’ Nup. Uh-uh. We are going for ‘I feel absolutely wonderful and I never want to take this beauty off. Can I sleep in it?’  

So, I’m going to go there again: there are many dresses that you will look absolutely stunning in. What you need to do is look for a dress that makes you feel incredible and look you-beautiful. When you find it: reach for your inner confidence and go for it with a ‘hell, yes!’  

Here’s the thing. If we listened to our partners for a hot minute – yes, the ones who still want to have sex with/marry us despite our lack of so-called ‘perfection’ – we would understand that how you look is only one aspect of real beauty.

Real beauty lies in connection, generosity, care, wisdom, shared experience. That’s what your partner and your people will be seeing when they look at you standing in front of them on your wedding day. Honour that by giving yourself the grace to eschew the constant pursuit of perfection. You will be happier and more relaxed when you do. And THAT is when you will get to ‘Yes!’

So, please: let’s lose ‘perfect’.

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Do you feel like the pressure to look ‘perfect’ on your wedding day is getting in the way of enjoying your wedding-dress shopping experience? Or if you’re not struggling with these feelings, tell me why. Is there some specific self-talk you employ? Share your thoughts below – they may just help a fellow bride!