Say Yes to Less Stress

Hello, my ‘plus-size’ beauty.
In this post I want to demystify the ‘plus-size’ wedding-dress journey for you and, I hope, have you taking a whole new approach to your bridal shopping process by the end of it.  

I’ve always been on the ‘curvy’ side of things. I was an overweight kid and teased for it. Two boys in my class in particular tortured me for years in primary school with the nickname ‘Water Tank’, after a massive circular concrete tank that stood on the edge of our town. Even now, literally decades later, I still burn with shame when I drive past one like it.

This was the mid-to-late 1980s and ‘plus size’ clothing stores simply didn’t exist – unless you wanted to wear your grandma’s clothes. Being a larger teenage girl in a coastal-country town with extremely limited shopping options back then was horrible. I couldn’t wear the lovely, on-trend things my friends were and I still remember the hot tears of despair when it came to trying to find something in my cupboard if there was a party or event. I felt like I never looked right. And in my mind that meant I was all wrong.

I was also a solid Australian size 20 (USA 16/UK20/EU48) for a period in my twenties while doing my PhD. Every single piece of clothing I owned was hide-me black. I lost a bunch of weight just before I was 30 and, since then, after two children and now in perimenopause, I have gone up and down periodically but in street clothes am generally around an Australian size 16 (US 12, UK 16, EU 44).

Even though I am, broadly speaking, comfortable at this size, I can’t shop in some high-street brands and mirrors in fitting rooms still make my blood pressure rise. So, I do have some conception of the pain of the fitting room for many women and am VERY much a work-in-progress where my own body image and its relationship to my self-worth is concerned.

Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. If you have clicked on this post then I’m assuming that you categorise yourself as ‘big’, ‘plus-size’ or any similar adjective.

Now, while we could quibble for hours about the definition of ‘plus size’, for the purposes of this post and for argument’s sake, I’m going to call ‘plus size’ an Australian size 18 (USA 14/UK18/EU46) and over.

So, as a plus-sized woman, how is your size going to affect your bridal-shopping experience?

The answer is: I don’t know. That’s because it depends on some key variables. But if you know what those variables are, then you can set yourself up for a positive experience BEFORE you even set foot in a salon.

Understanding bridal sizing and the try-on process  

Once a bride says ‘yes’ to a dress and if your salon is worth its salt, your bust, waist and hip measurements will be taken and the dress ordered according to those. Bridal sizing is different to street sizing and wedding dresses, with their boning and structure different to any other item of clothing. Each designer has their own size chart and different factors are taken into account when a salon talks to a designer about what size to order for you. You can be a size 18 in a particular dress from one designer and then be between a 20 and 22 in a differently structured dress from another.

Ultimately, a bride shouldn’t be involved with sizing AT ALL: it’s for your consultant to manage. Having said that, when you are in the initial stage of picking out dresses that you would like to try, it may be the case that if a dress is a size significantly smaller than you are, it may not be possible to try it because it simply won’t fit on the body. Yes, it is always easier to gauge whether you love a dress when it fits you; however, most bridal salons are small-to-medium businesses that simply cannot stock every dress in every size. So, if there is a dress you love that is clearly too small for you, it is always worth letting your consultant know because they will know to look out for something similar.

Bridal consultants become adept at getting smaller dresses on larger bodies (and vice-versa) The tricks that consultants use – modesty panels and clever clipping – means that you are still able to try dresses that are 3 or 4 sizes too small for you (and depending on the dress, potentially even smaller). Many plus-sized gowns also come with corset backs which don’t have to be done up tightly and thus can be put on a larger body than the size suggests. Sure, the back may not be done up perfectly, but you can see what it will look like from the front.

Can I just pause here for a moment and say this: most brides, regardless of what size they are (yes, even the ‘skinny’ girls) have to try on dresses that are too small at some point during their appointment. This isn’t just a ‘plus size’ thing.

The Bridal-salon Audition Process

OK, now you have an idea about sizing let’s get really serious about how you’re going to take more control of your process. If you have been figuratively (or even literally!) running away from bridal appointments, we’re about to change all that.

Yes, my friend, we’re going to flip the script. Instead of asking ‘do I fit the salon?’ we’re going to ask: ‘does the salon fit me?’ We are going to audition salons you are thinking of visiting before you go using my three step Bridal-Salon Audition Process.

Step 1: Research the red flags

Go online and have a look at the websites of salons in the area in which you’re planning to shop. Unless they are marketing only to plus-sized brides, they may just show pictures of tall, thin models (often looking fashionably bored and/or artistically miserable) on their homepage. That’s OK, we’re going to go a little deeper to see if you can find something on their site that addresses whether or not they have plus-size gowns. Most salons have an ‘About’ page or a set of ‘FAQs’ that address questions about sizes they stock and order. If they do, they go through to the next round. If they don’t, our audition alarm goes off and my recommendation would be that they are relegated very much to the ‘understudy’ or even better the ‘no’ list as it’s a pretty good assumption that they are not size-inclusive.

Step 2: Call and ask three key questions

Hopefully after Step 1 you have at least one or two salons who made it through to the next round. Now, because everyone has a different idea of what ‘plus-size’ means we’re now going to really get specific with these green-flag salons about what they actually stock.

Thing is, you can call up a salon and say ‘do you have plus-sized dresses in store?’ and they can say ‘yes’ and wouldn’t be lying if they only had two gowns over an Australian size 16 (US 12, UK 16, EU 44). We need more than this. So, when you call, you are going to find out three very specific pieces of information. You are going to ask:  

• “What size do you go up to in store?”
• “What size can you go up to when ordering?”

And the last question you are going to ask when you call is:

• “Approximately how many gowns do you have in store in a size [take your own size and minus 3 sizes] and above?

So, as an example, if you are an Australian size 26, you would ask “approximately how many dresses do you have in a size 20 and over?” If you are an Australian size 36 you will ask “approximately how many dresses do you have in a size 30 and over?” – and so on.

Step 3: Gauge the response

What I want you to look out for when you speak to a salon is not just the answers to the questions, though those are obviously important. At minimum we’re also looking for a person on the phone that understands and is sympathetic to your concerns.

Ideally though, what we want them to do is anticipate your worries and save you the trouble of asking the second two questions by immediately giving you a run-down of how they work with plus-size brides. This will really give you a read on what kind of attitude they bring and, consequently, what kind of experience you are likely to have in store. It is also at this point you can ask whether they have an open or closed fitting room (see my post on this) so you can decide if you’ll be comfortable with their set-up.

If you feel happy with the number of gowns available to try and your gut tells you the attitude of the consultant you speak with on the phone is what you will get in-store then you’ve found yourself a size-inclusive, ‘green-flag’ salon! They’ve passed the audition – book an appointment and get excited!  

‘It fits’ is not enough

If you’ve followed the audition process and read my other posts including on why dress shopping feels hard, who to take and what kind of mindset to go with, you will arrive at your appointment with a clear idea of what to expect (and, hopefully, even a little bit of excitement).

Even so, it would be a mistake to assume that this is going to take away the nerves completely. It won’t – and that’s ok. When I’m working with a bride, having her tell me that she feels anxious about her appointment is super useful because it helps me dig a bit deeper to understand what her pain points are and how I might be able to alleviate them. So don’t be scared to admit that you have some jitters: consultants are used to working with nervous brides! And believe me they come in all shapes and sizes!

In my experience the nerves last until the first dress goes on, my bride realises that this is actually going to be fun, that she IS going to look beautiful on her wedding day and that she doesn’t have to just settle for whatever fits.

You deserve this! (yes, YOU!)

Measurements under a certain size are not the price of entry to a wonderful bridal shopping experience – at least not in my changeroom and not on my watch. But I know from talking to my brides who have been elsewhere that this is not always the case. So, choose your salon carefully, take the right people along, and place your trust in your consultant. Doing all of these things will give you the best shot possible at a really incredible experience that you will treasure forever and, the best chance of a confident, joyful ‘YES!’

Because you deserve it just as much as anyone else, my friend. You really do.