Say Yes to Less Stress

One of the things I love most about being a bridal consultant is being witness to the joy of my bride and her people when she finds her dress. This is magnified when she has come with some element of anxiety or dread about the process of trying on dresses. It’s simply wonderful to watch the transformation in confidence of a woman who was utterly terrified at the outset of a consultation compared to how – and, importantly, WHO – she is at the end of it.

I love the idea of making the process of helping a bride choose her dress an occasion in itself with her mum, sisters, dad, grandma, brothers, bridesmaids/men or whoever her special people are along to revel in it.

BUT (and get ready for a truth bomb here) – who you bring with you to your appointment can be the making and breaking of a great experience for you. It can make your consultant’s job of lessening your stress and getting you to ‘yes’ either 1000 times easier OR the complete reverse, seriously difficult and, in some cases, quite literally impossible.

The thing is, for most of us, our people’s opinions matter. They will often inform, influence, and even infect our own. In both positive and not-so-positive ways.

For this reason, who you choose to take with you to your bridal consultation does, more than any other factor, affect your experience of finding (or not finding) your dress.

So, how do you decide who to bring and, importantly, who to leave out?

I have a post on how to shop for your wedding dress solo so if that’s your preference, I’d just go straight there. However, if you are weighing up who to take along with you, you just stay right here with me, my friend. Especially if you are feeling any measure of uncertainty about inviting a particular person.

‘Inviting’ is the operative word there. YES, you get to decide who you take. YES, an invitation is necessary. No one gets to assumed they can just come. There is no rule book that says ‘Thou shalt take thine mother/grandmother/bridesmaids/mum’s best friend’ to your dress try. And yes, you can go alone.

“You have clearly never met my mother!” I hear you wail.

True. But I have had to manage and negotiate the opinions and behaviours of many, many mothers in the course of my work as a bridal consultant so I can claim some authority in understanding the dynamics of mother-daughter relationships in the unique context of wedding-dress shopping.

Of course, it may not be your mum who is giving you pause in terms of who to invite. It may be a friend, a sibling, cousin or aunty whom you feel intuitively nervous about having on the couch – for whatever reason; whether it’s because they are just outspoken and opinionated, have no filter or are hyper-critical of you and the way you look or D) All of the above.

What I’m saying is that you deserve a great dress trying experience. Ultimately, this is your day, your dress and your process and it is absolutely ok for you to take control of it.

Who to take: Three considerations

1. How many?

This one is easy: not many! The less people in your dressing room the calmer and less stress you are going to generate. It is far easier for your consultant to help you when a cacophony of opinions isn’t drowning out her advice or your own thoughts that will help her help you. From a consultant perspective two (or less!) is ideal, three is manageable. Any more than three and you are generally moving into stress-more territory. It’s not just about too many opinions: people chat to each other, lose focus on you, are busy wrangling children… As we say in Australia: ‘Yeah – nah”.

2. Who’s in – and out!

You know your people. You know the ones that will be too opinionated, too loud, too insistent. If your goal is for a process that is more joy and less stress, just don’t bring them. Yes, even if one of them is your mother. On the flipside, you might think about bringing a friend who may not be your bestest ever, but who is calm, considered and understands what you’re after. Someone who will know when to offer an opinion and when to shut the hell up because you don’t need her/him wading in when, basically, you’ve got this. Bring that friend.

3. Prep your people!

Before you arrive at your appointment, give your people a sense of how you’re feeling about it and what you want from them. Do you want them to give their opinion on a dress after you have had a good look at yourself in it first or do you want to hear what they have to say straight up? Do you want them to be completely honest – even if they hate a dress you love – or do you really want them there just for the moral support? It’s about prepping your people to give you what you need from them in the fitting room.

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What do you think about my three considerations? Is there anyone you regret taking to your bridal appointment? Would you have done anything differently? Let me know in the comments!